


Fix This Broken Heart of Mine

by JustDuckinDont



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8705092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustDuckinDont/pseuds/JustDuckinDont
Summary: Clarke studies the smile that slowly widens on the other woman’s face. A smile that promises a change. That brightens the otherwise dark haze that clouds her mind. It calls to a beating heart and it asks her to say yes. She wants to say yes. She wants to forget the face that haunts her dreams and after a moment she nods.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I said forever ago that I'd do a Clarke/Ontari fic and I did one once but then I deleted it for reasons but this one I won't delete. I wrote this quite awhile ago and completely forgot about it until a couple of days ago. (Partly why I Survived was not uploaded yesterday, sorry ya'll). I don't know if this will remain a one shot.

It snows beyond her window. Stacking up on the red brick window sill outside and falling through bare bushes. The wind she knows is cold as she’d just come in but it’s warm inside. A fire burning in the fireplace that chases the chill away as she stands beside it. Glass of red wine in one hand but the other free. Notes played from a piano echo through the open doors behind her and it’s relatively peaceful for the moment but it won’t last.

 

It never lasts.

 

She knows that in a minute she’ll wake up. She’ll wake up in her cold apartment on the other side of this god forsaken city. She’ll breathe in the smell of rotting garbage and self loathing before she even has her eyes open. Her dreams always do this to her. Instill her with a sense of peace before she has to wake up and be reminded that peace no longer exists there. With a soft sigh she blinks from her dream into her cold, gray apartment. The sound of police sirens piercing thin walls as it speeds by below her window.

 

A moment passes before she swings her legs over the side of her worn mattress. Feet hovering above an ice cold floor that she knows will wake her up rather quickly but her phone begins to ring. A picture of her best friend staring at her. The only thing in this room that promises something beyond the gray. She answers quickly. Pressing it to her ear and tucking her legs up against her body.

 

_ “Good, you’re awake!” _ The voice comes through loud and clear. Her friend is seemingly always full of life these days and it’s strange. As if their lives had just been suddenly switched. Where Lexa had been cold and gray, she herself had been warm and full of color _. “So. Costia got tickets to an art show that she thought you might like to go to.” _

 

“Maybe.”

 

_ “Just maybe?” _ Lexa scoffs on the opposite end.  _ “You used to drag me to shows all the time! It’s how I met Costia! They- gods Clarke. Those damn things turned my life around.” _

 

“Yeah Lexa.. just maybe.” She sighs. Catching a glimpse of her reflection in frosty window panes. Her blonde hair mussed from sleep and blue eyes filled with the desire for an endless sleep. “When is it?”

 

_ “Tonight at six.”  _ Lexa pauses, her voice lowered when she speaks again. Softer and filled with so much more worry than Clarke wanted to hear. _ “Go with us? Please Clarke, you haven’t been the same since.. Since-” _

 

“Don’t say it.” She replies sharply. She doesn’t want to remember his death. She doesn’t want to remember what broke her heart into a thousand pieces that she knew could never be repaired. “Just don’t Lexa.”

 

_ “Okay. I won’t but come out with us? We’ll get dinner afterwards. Just the three of us.” _

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

_ “Please?” _

 

“Okay.”

 

_ “I love you Clarke. Have a good day.” _

 

Clarke hangs up.

 

* * *

  
  


She ends up going despite the desire not to. Her best friend showing up at her apartment with her girlfriend to force her to go. Shoving a coat into her arms then her boots and not budging until she got dressed. Thrusting a brush into her hands then pulling her out of her apartment. Lexa locking it behind them with her key that Clarke begins to regret giving to her. She well and truly loves her friend but right now all she wants to do is sleep. To curl beneath her thin blanket and sleep the days away until she forgets all about him.

 

His mangled body and the car accident. The hospital he was brought into. The doctor who forced her away because she broke the second she recognized him. They had only been married a year. He had been a lawyer and she a surgeon. Living on the upper east side of New York in a home she had hoped to fill with children up until his death. She had quit her job. Sold the house and moved into something much smaller.

 

She sighs at the thought. Following her friends down the snowy sidewalk to the art gallery. Lexa and Costia talk excitedly to each other. The two are a beautiful couple. Costia an artist herself, up and coming. Intelligent and beautiful. Soft, dark brown curls that hang down her back. Brown eyes soft and welcoming. She always offers a warm hug to anyone who needs it. Always ready to accept them for what they are and Clarke is glad that Lexa found her. They work perfectly together. An artist and an architect.

 

Lexa walks with her head held high. Brunette curls braided back behind her ears and green eyes sharp when she turns to look back at Clarke. Quickly reaching out and slipping her arm through Clarke’s as Costia does the same at her opposite side. Forcing her to walk with them. To join in their conversation but she offers them nothing. Keeping her silence until they approach the open gallery. People already flowing in and out.

 

Inside Costia wanders away and Lexa is quick to follow. Leaving Clarke on her own to walk among paintings. The colors are vibrant and the artist is talented but nothing really calls to her. Some are more traditional than others. Still life and just simple bowls of fruit but she pauses at one in particular. The title promising of a new day and it’s just the sun rising over New York from the view of a window. Something about it keeps her there and after several minutes someone comes up to stand next to her.

 

Her dark brown eyes study the painting in earnest. Her dark hair half hidden beneath a black beanie and black scarf loose around her neck. Flecks of snow stick to her coat that had yet to melt and when she looks over at Clarke she gives her a gentle smile. Pink lips curving softly as perfect teeth peek through and she sticks her gloved hand out suddenly.

 

“Hi, name’s Ontari Savage.” She’s a born and raised new yorker. It’s clear in her words and the way she stands. Confident and maybe a little too over confident but Clarke accepts her hand slowly.

 

“Clarke Griffin.”

 

“Nice to meet you Clarke.” She lets go and stuff her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “Were you forced to come here too?” She asks suddenly.

 

“Um.. yes. My best friend demanded I come here with her and her girlfriend.”

 

“For me it was my sister.” Ontari hums to herself a short moment. “Okay so.. I normally don’t do this but.. Want to get out of here?”

 

Clarke studies the smile that slowly widens on the other woman’s face. A smile that promises a change. That brightens the otherwise dark haze that clouds her mind. It calls to a beating heart and it asks her to say yes. She wants to say yes. She wants to forget the face that haunts her dreams and after a moment she nods curtly. Her new found friend quickly taking her hand and leading her out of the gallery onto the dark sidewalk outside.

 

Ontari doesn’t let her go until they step into a warm bar filled with the sound of 80s rock and roll. The liquor flowing as they sit in a booth and Ontari orders for both of them. Whiskey. Easily Clarke’s favorite. Easily the drink that’ll loosen her tongue and when it comes. She downs it. Setting her glass on the smooth table beneath her before the woman beside them is gone and she asks for a second that quickly comes but this one she drinks slower. Letting it fill the pit of her empty stomach and chase the cold from her bones as a beautiful woman watches her.

 

“So.. what makes Clarke Griffin tick? What makes you, you.” Ontari asks over the rim of her drink. A half cocked smile on her lips and eyes that never leave Clarke’s. She looks at her is if she’s the only one in that room. As if they’re alone in that bar and with liquor in her system on an empty stomach it makes Clarke feel something spark deep in her chest. Something she is more willing to bet is the liquor talking than anything else.

 

“I’m no one.”

 

“Sounds like a bullshit lie to me.” Her smile fades and she leans over on her arms. Glass set between her arms and chest. “You’re someone. You’re living and breathing. You have a conscious. So you’re someone but I want to know who you are. What makes you keep living in this otherwise troublesome world of ours. What makes you.. You.” She points her index finger at her and Clarke frowns.

 

“I’m no one.” She repeats and Ontari rolls her eyes. “I mean it.. I’m no one. I don’t have a job anymore. I quit. I spent years in medical school just to quit. I married a man who I thought I was meant to be with forever but he’s dead and so am I.”

 

“All I gathered from that was that you’re a doctor of some sort but that you’ve given up on your life because you lost your husband. Which honestly.. Sounds like no good reason to give up. It sounds like a reason to stop and take a break from the world but not a reason to give up. There’s so much more to your life than a love gained or lost. You’ve just gotta find a reason to keep going.” She sips her drink and sits back in her seat. “I don’t know you but I get the feeling that you’re stronger than you’ve given yourself credit for.”

 

“You’re right. You don’t know me.” Clarke huffs at her and goes to stand but a hand jerks out to stop her. Gripping her wrist tightly. “Let me go.”

 

“No. Sit.” Ontari pulls on her and Clarke relents. Dropping back into her seat and giving the woman opposite her a harsh glare that she doesn’t seem all that worried about. “Tell me what happened.”

 

“Why? You’re a stranger.”

 

“Well I’d like to be your friend if you’ll give me the chance.” She smiles again and Clarke sighs.

 

“I have enough friends.”

 

“One more couldn’t hurt.” She props her head up on her hands. “Tell me what happened.” She repeats but softer this time.

 

“It’s a bit of a story..” Clarke admits. Falling into the story with relative ease. The woman before her comforting beyond what she’d believe her to be. She tells her about the accident. A drunk driver slamming into his car head on. The metal that pierces his organs and the glass that scratched his face to a nearly unrecognizable level. The funeral that followed, closed casket per his family’s request. The sale of their home to a family already started and her moving into the little apartment not far from the bar they sat in. She tells of how hard the past year had been. How it only got harder in the winter months. The anniversary of his death fast approaching and she pauses at that. Her tongue thick in her mouth and her mind buzzing as she draws in a shaky breath. “He died.. He died..” she can’t get it out of her and Ontari takes her hand warmly.

 

“It’s okay. You did good blondy. Don’t worry.” She pays their tab and helps Clarke from her seat. Walking beside her carefully in the falling snow outside when Clarke gives her the address to her apartment. Holding her close with an arm around her middle and beyond that Clarke remembers little else.

 

* * *

  
  


She wakes from a dreamless sleep. To the sun bright in her eyes as she sits up slowly. Her throat dry and head pounding. Normally her feet are bare but now she wears fluffy blue socks. Soft against her skin that protect her from the icy floors beneath when she walks out of her bedroom. Her senses immediately assaulted by the smell of coffee and bacon. That makes her pause in the shadowy hallway. Coffee and bacon? She doesn’t remember anyone staying with her last night. She only remembers talking to Ontari then nothing beyond that. A blank space taking over past it and she groans aloud.

 

Gods she hopes she didn’t sleep with her.

 

“Good morning Clarke.” A cheerful voice greets her and she stares into dark brown eyes. Her warm smile brightening the room and she feels just a little bit warmer. Her headache fading into the back of her mind as she takes in the woman who sips at coffee from the stove. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I..” She swallows, her mouth dry and voice raspy. “Hungover.”

 

“I figured. You drank more than I did.” She pours another cup of coffee. “How do you take your coffee?”

 

“Black.”

 

“Huh.. figured you a cream and sugar type girl.” She sets it on the counter closest to Clarke before turning off the stove. “Come and sit down. Eat and you’ll feel better.”

 

“Ontari?” Clarke murmurs. Taking the coffee and sitting down carefully at her small dining room table. “What happened last night? Did we..?”

 

“Sleep together? No. I wouldn’t take advantage of you like that. I brought you back here and you were mumbling about Finn who I assume was your husband. I knew I couldn’t leave you so I stayed. I slept on your couch but I’ll get out of here if you want me gone.” She sets a plate before Clarke. The bacon still hot and eggs warm.

 

“Oh. Thank you.” Ontari waits as Clarke picks up her fork. Either waiting for her to tell her to get out or to eat herself she isn’t sure. She isn’t even sure if she wants her gone. Her presence is calming. She’s warm and makes her feel just a little bit better. Her smile is comforting and it only makes Clarke want to smile back at her. “Do you have anything to do today Ontari?” She asks her suddenly before taking a bite of eggs.

 

“No, I’m off today.”

 

“Oh.. what do you do?”

 

“I’m a dancer but winter is a little bit of a slow season for me. I own a studio about twenty minutes from here. I already called my partner and she agreed that today was a good enough day as any to keep the studio closed.”

 

“Partner?” She echos and Ontari nods. She didn’t know she had a significant other but it makes her feel better. She likes to know that Ontari isn’t looking for anything beyond a friendship.

 

“Yeah, she said her husband will be grateful.”

 

Fuck.

 

“So not a partner partner? You’re straight?”

 

“What? No way! I’m not straight. What made you think I was?”

 

“I don’t know.. I just assumed.” Clarke looks back down at her plate and shakes her head. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t worry about it but what about you blondy? Since we’re on the subject of assumed sexualities. You’re straight?”

 

“No.” She’d dated plenty of women in high school and college. Even dating Lexa once. “Not straight.”

 

“Alrighty then, glad we’ve got that out of the way. How’s the food? My sister says I’m best at making breakfast but I don’t agree.” She makes her own plate and sits down next to Clarke. The brunnette making the correct assumption that Clarke was okay with her staying.

 

“It’s good.”

 

“Just good?”

 

“Fine.. it’s great.” She lets a small smile slip through and Ontari beams proudly. “Don’t let it get to your head though.”

 

“Too late.”

 

The morning slowly shifts to afternoon but Clarke doesn’t feel it. She’s too consumed by Ontari. By the way she moves about her apartment. Cleaning it despite Clarke’s voiced objections but once it’s clean she feels a little better. Even doing her own laundry that had begun to build up in the bathroom hamper. The brunette following her down to the basement and keeping her company. Talking about her sister, Echo and her niece, Evangeline. The little girl just turned eight and already a spitfire.

 

Before Clarke knows it. The sun is setting outside and clouds that promise more snow roll in. Signalling the end of the day and it calls for Ontari to go home despite the thought that begs her to stay kept silent in Clarke’s mind. She’s enjoyed her company. She feels warmer inside and her apartment isn’t as cold when the lively dancer is there but when she’s gone. Everything falls cold again.

 

* * *

  
  


Her tv is on but she isn’t paying attention. Her phone vibrates on the couch cushion beside her but she isn’t looking at it. There is something else that demands so much more of her attention and it is the brunette that stretches in the middle of her living room. Her body toned and flexible as she moves in ways that would surely kill Clarke’s body. It draws on emotions that she hasn’t felt since Finn died and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

 

She isn’t sure why Ontari is back but she doesn’t mind it. She’s lighting Clarke up and she likes the way it feels. It’s like new life is being breathed into her soul. Her heart beats with a new rhythm. It sings with delight. It pushes energy through her limbs and she feels the desire to do so much more now. She even met Ontari at a coffee shop that morning for an impromptu breakfast. Greeting her friend with a smile that she hadn’t had to force.

 

“I can’t wait for spring.. Doing nothing most days of the week is getting old.” Ontari comments as she bends over. Touching her toes easily and peering between her outstretched legs at Clarke. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 

“It got easier with time.”

 

She straightens up. “Well that needs to change.” She turns around. “Get up and go get dressed, we’re going out.”

 

“What? It’s freezing outside. It’s snowing.”

 

“So? We’re going out.” She repeats. Snapping her fingers and pulling Clarke up by her hands. “Go and get dressed.”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

“Then I’m going to get more acquainted with your body than I did last time.” She smirks and Clarke fights the blush that creeps up her cheeks. “Now go blondy.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Good girl.” She lets go and sits on Clarke’s coffee table. Tugging on her thick boots and lacing them up. She’s dressed herself the moment Clarke steps back into the room. Pulling on a thick coat and wrapping a white scarf around her neck. “And there she is. The belle of the ball all ready for a day out on the town.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“You love me.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “where are we going?”

 

“Hm..” she walks towards the door and pulls it open before looking back at Clarke. “Museum?”

 

“Which one?” She locks the door behind them and follows Ontari down the stairs to the street outside.

 

“Natural history? I hear they have good food too.”

 

“Okay.. but only if it’s warm inside.” She shivers in a burst of cold air and Ontari immediately tucks herself into Clarke’s side as she hails a cab. The heat at her side sets her heart to pound hard in her chest. The scent of her perfume clouding her senses before she slides into the backseat of the warm cab. The driver’s music kept low and Ontari tells him where to go. Her hand sliding across the seat between them to take Clarke’s warmly.

 

It’s different, it’s new and when she lets go Clarke misses it. They walk through the museum together apart until Clarke gathers the courage to take her hand. Threading her fingers through hers and squeezing tightly. Forcing herself to ignore the warm look Ontari gives her as they walk hand in hand through the museum. People look at them but they don’t pay attention to them and Clarke looks at her suddenly when Ontari tugs her into a quiet area of the museum. Taking a seat before a display but her hand doesn’t leave Clarke’s.

 

“Can we talk?” She says quietly and Clarke nods. “I need to tell you something.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Don’t take this wrong way or think that you have to return anything but.. I like you. And I know it’s only been a few days since I met you but trust me. It doesn’t take long to feel something for someone beyond what they should.” She licks her lips. “Don’t think you have to return these feelings but I just wanted to get things out into the open. I don’t want to keep things from you.”

 

“You do?” Clarke breathes out but she’s confused. She’s not interesting. She does nothing. She’s broken and sad. Her heart still hurts for Finn but at the same time she felt something in return for Ontari yet.. She knows she’s not ready. She may never be ready.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I..” She squeezes hand. Either to give herself courage or to settle whatever fear Ontari may be feeling she doesn’t know. “I’m not ready to be with anyone. I.. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. I understand blondy.” She smiles but it’s a different smile. A sadder smile and it’s a smile that Clarke wishes she didn’t have to witness. “Come on, let’s finish our walk through this place.”

 

Her hand let’s go of Clarke’s and it feels like she’s lost the only lifeline that kept her there.

 

* * *

  
  


The next morning she wakes to a freezing apartment and her breath escaping in puffs of white. The lights off, the heat off and the entire building void of power. A sudden snowstorm knocking out half the city and many in her building leaving to find someplace warmer but she stays. Wrapped tightly in multiple blankets and fuzzy blue socks that remind her of Ontari as she lays still in her bed. Her phone silent but fully charged beside her on the pillow as she ducks to bury her nose in cold blankets.

 

She isn’t sure how long she lays there but a knock at her door draws her to open her eyes. A second knock making her stand and pad carefully down the hall with a blanket over her shoulders. The third knock beckoning to peer through the peephole before she opens it. Finding a snow peppered Ontari sporting a frown as she scans Clarke.

 

“This side of the city has no power Clarke.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Then why are you still here?”

 

“I don’t know. Why are you here?”

 

“Because I knew you’d be here.” She lets herself into the apartment and Clarke closes the door behind her. “You shouldn’t be here.. You’ll freeze to death before the city gets its act together.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” Clarke murmurs. Locking her door and heading back to the warmth of her bed. The sound of Ontari following her through but she ignores her as she lays back down. Finding her spot cold now and she shivers deeply a moment before settling. Lying still once more with her eyes closed but she opens them when she feels her mattress dip. Hands pulling at her blankets until she opens her arms. “Here.”

 

“Thank you.” Ontari wraps her arms around Clarke’s middle and pulls herself into her chest. Head set beneath Clarke’s chin as she’s bound warmly in blankets. Body heat keeping the cold at bay or rather Clarke’s nervously fluttering heart. She can smell her so clearly. Absent of any perfume but she drinks her in greedily. Absorbing her heat and returning it in kind until she manages to fall asleep.

 

The sound of a building coming to life wakes her hours later. Heat flooding her apartment and a light flickering on in the hallway but she keeps still. Soft breaths caress her skin. Following the curve of her collarbone and in the dip of her throat. Dark hair soft against her lips and nose because the dancer has yet to wake. She’s still dead to the world and Clarke doesn’t want to let her go. She doesn’t want this moment to end and she closes her eyes again.

 

“I want to be ready for you..” She murmurs under her breath against her hair and the dancer shifts. Her face pressing a little firmer into Clarke’s neck and hands grip at the back of her sweater before she settles again.

 

* * *

  
  


A week passes and she hasn’t seen Ontari since they’d slept in Clarke’s bed together. She had sent her a few messages about going to visit her mother but since then there had been nothing. She feels her absence deeply. It sits heavy in her chest. The constant feeling of missing her present even as she sleeps. Flashes of her face haunting her more often than Finn seemed to lately.

 

A part of her wishes that she could let go of him. Wishes that she could crawl out of the hole she’d fallen into and be the kind of person that Ontari could really care for. She isn’t sure how she did now. She’s nothing. She does nothing. Nothing about her is interesting but she wishes she was. The drive to be more sparks in the pit of her stomach and she sits up slowly in her bed. Running a hand through messy blonde hair and grabbing her phone.

 

A certain determination forcing her to open a search engine on her phone and she finds a job offering in a local clinic that needs someone. Anyone really with a medical background but she pauses as she stares at it. Doing this meant waking up before noon. Doing this meant turning back the gears of time and attempting to become who she once was. Someone who looked forward to living each day. Someone who people relied on. Who looked up to her and she takes a shaky breath.

 

She can do this.

 

She can do this both for herself and everyone around her. She can be someone again. She knows it's time to stop hiding and start moving again. Ontari had been right. She’d had her break and now it was time to get going again. Finn wouldn’t want her to just give up. He’d want her to keep going. He’d want her to be happy. Just as she’d want for him if the roles had been reversed. 

 

_ There’s so much more to your life than a love gained or lost. You’ve just gotta find a reason to keep going. _

 

She was right.

 

With a toss of her phone onto the mattress she stands. Taking a quick shower and dressing warmly for the short walk to the clinic. Making herself as presentable as she can before leaving her apartment. The walk down is quiet and the clinic itself is even quieter as it’s a little later in the afternoon when she walks in. The receptionist behind the desk giving her a warm smile but the door beside her desk opens and a woman in a white lab coat steps through. Her skin dark and hair cut short. Her light blue eyes soft as she scans Clarke.

 

“Hello miss, how can we help you?” The doctor holds her hand out and Clarke shakes her hand before withdrawing.

 

“I’m here about the job offer.” She pulls out a resume that she knows was recent up until Finn’s death, her medical license still good as well. The doctor accepts her resume and begins to scan it before she looks up slowly. “I haven’t worked in a year.. But I-”

 

“You’re hired.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re hired.” She repeats with a chuckle. “I know your mother, doctor Abigail Griffin. Does she still live in Richmond?”

 

“Yes. My father does as well.”

 

“Ah well. I’d be happy to have you working with me doctor Griffin. Regardless of your time out of the field. I’m sure that my colleague and I can get you back up to speed in no time.” She tucks the resume under her arm and pockets her hands with a smile. “Can you start monday?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good, we open at five but you don’t have to come in until six. Either myself or doctor Marina Knight will be here.” She glances back at the receptionist. “Or even Gwen here.”

 

“Knight usually doesn’t show until six herself.” Gwen offers despite staring at her computer screen. “Doctor Hall is almost always here first.”

 

“But you can call me Agnes if you’d like doctor Griffin.”

 

“If I get to call you Agnes then you can call me Clarke.”

 

Agnes nods, “we’ll see you monday then.”

 

“Monday.” Clarke echos.

 

* * *

  
  


Ontari comes back on Monday but Clarke is at the clinic by five am. Dressed in navy blue scrubs that she hadn’t worn in a year but they still fit her. Albeit a little looser on her frame but it’s okay. She’ll be okay. She can do this. Agnes greets her at the door. Smiling warmly with a cup of coffee from a cafe down the street. Bundled warmly in a thick coat as she flicks on lights. Someone who had been sitting by the door following them and Gwen wanders in five minutes past.

 

It’s quiet until six when she meets Marina Knight. A woman with red hair and a tattoo of Mars on bicep barely hidden by her worn Mars Attacks! T-shirt. Her eyes a steely gray that remind her of the moon when she prepares for her own day. Stethoscope around her neck and lab coat on. Name tag simply reading M. Knight and she frowns when Agnes tells her that Clarke will be shadowing her today.

 

It becomes less of a shadowing day with Marina however. The woman quickly setting her to work doing patient exams more often than not. The doctor simply sitting back and filling out forms as Clarke works. Finding her motion once again in a doctor’s office and soon it all comes flooding back. She finds a certain thrill wash over her as she helps people. Meeting some of the kindest humblest people in the city in that little clinic. People who had lost everything but still managed to carry on with smiles that she’d only expect to find on the richest of souls.

 

She’s almost surprised when the clinic closes for the day. Her body worn out and unused to so much in a single day but it’s a good kind of worn out. It means she’ll sleep tonight. She’ll really sleep and not move until her alarm goes off but when she walks up to her door. She finds Ontari there at her door with a puzzled look. Her eyes focused on her wrinkled scrubs and the stethoscope around her neck that Agnes had given her.

 

“Clarke?” Ontari stands and steps aside to let Clarke into her apartment.

 

“Ontari.” Clarke shrugs out of her coat once she’s inside. Kicking off her shoes in the doorway as Ontari closes the door behind her. “How was your mother?”

 

“She’s okay. Still the she-devil but okay.” She still watches her. Watches her tug off her scrub top to stand in the middle of her apartment in her tanktop and scrub bottoms. “You’re working again.”

 

“Yeah. Just in a clinic though. Not going back to surgery.”

 

“You were a surgeon?”

 

“Yes, I was a trauma surgeon.” She heads into her bedroom and Ontari follows but she lingers in the hall. Giving Clarke privacy to finish changing. “I was a trauma surgeon for Polis Medical until the accident.”

 

“Must have been hard before.. It happened.”

 

“It was but I liked the challenge.” She steps out in sweatpants and a too large black shirt. “I had to think on my feet. I had to be ready for anything when it came through those doors. I was pretty good at it too. I never froze.. I never balked. I was ready for all of it.” She shakes her head. “Clinic work is far from what I was and I know it’s a waste of my talents.”

 

“No.”

 

“No?” Clarke echos in confusion.

 

“No. It’s not a waste. It’s a start. It takes time to come back after being away. It’s a start. A good start and I’m proud of you for it.” She pulls her in for a light hug. “Good job Clarke.”

 

“Thank you.” She squeezes her and they remain there for several minutes. “Thank you for everything.”

 

“I did nothing.”

 

“But you did. What you said that night I met you.. You were right. He may be gone but I can’t just stop. I have to keep going. He’d want me to keep going. He’d want me to be happy just as I would if the roles were reversed. So thank you Ontari. Thank you.”

 

“Anything for you blondy.” She murmurs into blonde hair before Clarke pulls back. “Now.. what are you doing for dinner?”

 

“I don’t know. Why?”

 

“Pizza? I’ll pay.”

 

“Only if it’s cheese.”

 

“Ma’am yes ma’am.”

 

* * *

  
  


Winter turns to spring before Clarke knows it. The hardest day of the year behind her as she’d simply worked through it. Ignoring the calendar completely as she’d had to look after a baby that day. Ontari filled the empty time after work. Coming to her apartment dripping in sweat from a run in the snow. Her friend getting back into shape for the spring and now she seems busy more often than not. Her days ending up with her in Clarke’s apartment. Some of her clothes in Clarke’s closest and her favorite junk food in Clarke’s fridge. It was almost as if she’d moved in but they were still just friends.

 

Clarke’s feelings for the dancer hadn’t seemed to fade but grow. She was comfortable with her in many ways that she hadn’t been before. She would unlock her door when she knew the brunette was coming over. Trusting her to lock it when she came in. Clarke was even tempted to make her a key and on the first of March she did it. Handing her a key to her apartment that had the dancer grabbing her and singing her praises. Hugging her tightly that pulled a laugh from the blonde. Still a rare occurrence but Ontari seemed to have made it a mission to get her to laugh as often as possible.

 

They sat on Clarke’s couch late one evening. Both having the next day off meant for late night movie marathons and popcorn. Popcorn that more or less ended up in each other’s hair as the movie would get boring but that night they sat side by side. Clarke entirely focused on the movie that Ontari had insisted on. It wasn’t one she’d seen before but it made her heart ache all the same.

 

“You’re really into this aren’t you?” Ontari asks suddenly and Clarke nods. Not moving her gaze away from the tv. “You’re such a nerd..”

 

“You’re the one who put it on.” She muttered around a handful of popcorn.

 

“Yeah because you said you hadn’t seen it. Which I get. Who wants to watch a movie about a bunch of kids who are born just for the purpose of being organ donors. It’s depressing and the relationship that’s put on the line is even more depressing.”

 

“Then why did you suggest it?”

 

“Happens to be my favorite. Reminds me that it could always be worse. Reminds me not to take life for granted. To love when I can and for all that I am worth no matter what because it could always end too soon. I-” She pauses when Clarke looks over at her. “What?”

 

“You. You’re the nerd.”

 

“No I’m not. You are.”

 

“You’re a movie nerd. I’m a doctor nerd. Big difference.”

 

“Yeah, doctor nerd is a lot cuter honestly.” Clarke isn’t sure if it’s meant to be her flirting but she smiles anyway. Accepting it and letting it jump start her heart. Forgetting the movie on screen for a long moment as she studies the brunette. “Especially when you go all doctor mode. Like when I sprained my ankle and had to call you over to the studio.”

 

“You sat on the floor acting like a big baby. As if you had broken your ankle instead of sprained it.” She laughs softly, “Niylah was ready to freak out herself. That’s how bad you were.”

 

“Yeah but you owned it. You came in and just took over. Made me feel better instantly. Took me home and set me up. Had me back in my studio a week later good as new.”

 

“You were supposed to wait longer than a week.”

 

“Yeah but I was fine. You worked your magic and I was ready earlier than expected.”

 

“Could have made it worse.” Clarke glares at her but the dancer grins at her. “Seriously Ontari.”

 

“I know doctor Griffin.”

 

“You better listen to me next time.”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

“Then I guess I’ll have to punish you.”

 

“How would you do that?”

 

“No more movie nights.” She’s quick to say it and she fights her smile at Ontari’s pout. Reaching over carefully and taking her hand. “I’d be sad to lose them.. So behave.”

 

“If I must.”

 

Clarke focuses again on the tv but she’s quickly distracted when Ontari leans into her side. Pulling out of her phone and playing a game. Her warmth distracts her. Elbow sliding over the exposed skin of her bare thigh when she moves every so often. The movie ends quickly but Clarke remembers none of it as she switches to live tv rather than another movie. Wrapping an arm around Ontari’s middle and settling to watch house hunters.

 

Not even an hour passes before the brunette tires of her phone. Tossing it to the end of the couch and curling into Clarke’s side. Quietly complaining under her breath about the houses on the show that has Clarke smirking above her. She likes to watch this with Ontari. She always suddenly turns into such a judgy person but it’s entertaining. Especially when she sits up and starts to really complain.

 

“You’re so adorable when you get into this.” Clarke says without thought and Ontari pauses to look at her with a frown.

 

“They are idiots.” She scowls, “I mean really? She’s going to say no to a house that needs only a little bit of work to buy a house that is twenty thousand over her budget because it has a bigger backyard?! She lives in Florida for christsakes! Why get a pool when she’s ten minutes from the beach!”

 

“Some people just don’t make any sense.”

 

“Oh! And the other guy.” She scoffs, “he bought a house he didn’t even like when he had the money to build his own. He was a millionaire! Just build your own shit!” She exclaims before dropping back to sit beside Clarke. “Idiots..”

 

“Relax, it’s okay.” She kisses her cheek and Ontari’s frown fades. Quickly sinking in her seat and feet coming up to rest on the coffee table. “Need anything from the kitchen?”

 

“Got any wine?”

 

“Sure do.”

 

“Please?”

 

“Of course.” Clarke stands and heads into the kitchen. Just making out more muttering as another episode starts before she returns with two half filled glasses of red wine. Handing Ontari one before sitting back down. “What’d I miss?”

 

“Nothing yet but this is bound to be a sure fire hell ride of idiots choosing bad homes.” She takes a sip of her drink as the first house is shown. The couple immediately saying no before even walking in the door and Clarke can feel Ontari tense. Her jaw clenched as the second house comes. Only the wife liking it and that seems to annoy her more. Clarke isn’t sure why this is bothering her more than it had before but it worries her. “She-”

 

“Ontari.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Why.”

 

“This seems to bother you more than usual.”

 

Ontari sighs and sets her glass down. “Fine. Something is wrong.”

 

“I know, what’s up.”

 

“My brother.” She states simply and Clarke nods. She knows Ontari has a brother but that they weren’t getting along lately. He’d been angrier and it had started when Ontari went to visit her mother. “He called me earlier and was nothing but a complete and utter dickhead.”

 

Clarke frowns, “what did he say to you?”

 

“Nothing that I can’t handle Clarke.” She doesn’t want to say it and it’s obvious but they’ve told each other everything before. They had never kept anything from the other since the first night and it bothers her. She wants to know what her brother did that had her closing up like this. Whatever it was was enough to change her.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I don’t want to bother you with it.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“No.”

 

“Ontari-”

 

“Don’t push about it.” She replies sharply before standing. Gathering her things suddenly and leaving without another word. Leaving Clarke nothing but confused at her behavior.

 

* * *

  
  


Two weeks and they don’t speak. Clarke doesn’t see her or hear from her for two whole weeks and she works through them as hard as she can. The friday following after those two weeks almost over when she heads in for the last appointment only to freeze at what or rather who she finds. A certain brunette dancer sitting on her exam table with not a mark on her. Only sporting an apologetic smile that Clarke can only return with a frown as she closes the door behind her. Setting down a file behind her on the table.

 

“What are you doing here Ontari?”

 

“I wanted to see you.”

 

“So you came to my work? You could have called me. Sent me a text. Came to my apartment after work. Not taking up an appointment that someone else could have needed.”

 

“I was a walk-in. The lobby was empty when I came in and Gwen, the lady behind the desk, put me in here after I told her I thought I sprained my ankle.”

 

“So you lied to get in here?”

 

“I wanted to see you. Surprise you even.”

 

“Well it worked. I’m surprised.” She sits on a rolling chair and scoots up to her. If the woman is here then she may as well look her over. “What do you want?”

 

“To apologize.” She shifts in her seat. Plastic loud under her butt before she settles. “I thought about what I did and I was wrong. I should have told you despite..” she trails off.

 

“Despite what?”

 

“Despite it being about you.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes.” She licks her lips. “My brother.. He was a dick because he knows that I still want to be with you. He thinks I’m stupid for it. He says that you’ll never want me but despite that I’m still pining over you like an idiot.” She sighs. “Gods he’s so annoying. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get that I’m happy to be your friend. I care for you. You’re my best friend.”

 

Clarke sits frozen. Looking into brown eyes that refuses to meet her gaze before she stands. Unable to stand the idea that Ontari doesn’t think she wants her beyond anything than a friend. She’d once not been ready to entertain the idea of dating or even loving someone again but now there’s a voice in her head that says she’s ready. She knows she’s ready in her heart to do it all again.

 

“Look.. I’m sorry. This was stupid and very immature of me. I’m just going to-”

 

“Stay.”

 

“-go. What?” Her eyes widen when Clarke leans in and presses her lips against hers. Kissing her softly once then pulling back but Ontari chases her lips. Kissing her back and gripping at the front of her scrubs. Hand bumping her stethoscope to wrap around her neck as the blonde pushes her back into the exam table. Climbing up after her and kissing her deeply. Hands roaming her sides as she slides her tongue along her bottom lip. Asking for permission that Ontari readily gives her. Lips parting in a soft sigh and Clarke dips her tongue to slide against hers.

 

A knock at the door breaks them apart and Clarke scrambles off the table as the door opens. Marina leaning against the door with a knowing smirk as she takes in rumbled scrubs and wide eyes.

 

“We’re closing. Finish up here and go home you two.” She closes the door behind her again and Clarke sighs in relief.

 

“She’s right. We should go.” She grabs the file that had fallen off the table. Straightening the papers and opening the exam room door. Ontari following her slowly but she waits in the lobby while Clarke gathers her things and clocks out. The blonde returning only to find Ontari and Marina in a staring match side by side. “Uh.. what’s going on?”

 

“She started it.” Ontari muttered. Leaning over menacingly but Marina didn’t budge.

 

“Gods you’re a dork. Come on.” She grabs her arm and drags her up. Pulling her from the clinic and towards her apartment in the warm afternoon air. Taking hold of her hand as they walk. A pleasant smile on her face but underneath that she’s nervous. It’s been a long time for her. She doesn’t even know if that’s where Ontari’s wants this night to go but if she does then Clarke would be willing. “So..”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What are we going to do?” She asks her at a crosswalk. Waiting for the afterwork traffic to pass them. “Are we going to..” She feels like a teenager again and Ontari chuckles softly. “I feel dumb for asking but I-”

 

“I won’t push you to do something that you don’t want to do Clarke. I’m happy with just kissing you and if you’re not ready then it’s okay. It can wait. Everything can wait until you’re ready.” She tells her and they cross the street but Clarke stops them on the opposite side. Kissing her without a word and Ontari returns the kiss readily. Squeezing her hand when Clarke breaks it to continue on their way to Clarke’s apartment.

 

“I’m nervous.”

 

“Then we don’t have to do anything.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You’re too good to me. You know that right?”

 

“Hah funny.”

 

“I mean it. I don’t deserve you.”

 

“More like I don’t deserve you.. You’re just so incredible. You know that right? You’ve come such a long way since we met. You’re an inspiration. You-”

 

“Do you want me to fall in love with you?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Keep saying things like that and I just might.” Clarke kisses her cheek and Ontari blushes.

 

* * *

  
  


Morning finds Clarke wrapped around Ontari. Legs tangled and arms around her waist. Brunette hair in her face and the alarm singing to wake her up. It’s four in the morning she knows. She needs to get up. Needs to get ready for her day but she doesn’t want to. She’s woken up with Ontari fast asleep in her arms after two weeks of not seeing her. She’s woken up to a new morning that promises a possible lasting relationship but she rolls away from her. Turning off the alarm and sitting up. Not missing the soft sigh and shift of long legs beneath her sheets as she crosses into the hallway.

 

Her shower is relatively short. Dressed in her clean scrubs before she leaves the bathroom. Hair damp but pulled up and away into a bun when she crosses back into the bedroom. Finding Ontari hugging Clarke’s pillow tightly. Still asleep but she stirs again when Clarke kisses her forehead. Sliding her fingers over her warm skin to wake her. Kissing her on the lips when the dancer tilts her head up.

 

“I have to go. Time for work.”

 

“Okay but I need to ask you something first.” Ontari props herself up on her arm. Taking Clarke’s hand gently. “Go on a date with me tonight.”

 

“Tonight?”

 

“Yes.” She licks her lips, still half asleep. “Dinner and a movie. Real high school.”

 

“Make out half way through the movie because it’s boring?” Clarke chuckles and Ontari nods. Dropping back into the pillows. “Sounds perfect.”

 

“Good. I’ll pick you up at six.”

 

“I look forward to it.” Clarke stands up off the bed. “Lock up when you leave?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Her day consists of nothing but patients and Marina quoting her favorite movie. Teasing remarks thrown in among her quotes but Clarke keeps her focus on her work. Working through her day until it comes time for the clinic to close for the night. The lobby empty and Gwen behind her desk but sneaking glances at her phone.

 

“Another successful day Griffin.” Marina comments on her way out. Already clocked out and in a hurry to get home before Gwen or Clarke have even begun to get ready to leave.

 

“She’s right Dr Griffin. Another successful day.” Gwen stands with a smile. “I can clock you out if you’d like to get home.”

 

“I’d appreciate it Gwen, thank you.” The extra time will give her a chance to look nice for Ontari. The dancer had seen her at her worst and even lower but rarely at her best. Almost always meeting her in scrubs or her pajamas. Tonight was going to be different however. She wanted to be beautiful for her. A makeshift thank you for everything she’d done for her. For saving her and turning her life around.

 

* * *

 

 

Fingers pluck at the soft material of her knee length dress. The color matches her eyes and even has pockets. A major factor in Clarke even buying it. It’s not an old dress but new and she never thought a date would be the chance she got to wear it. She hopes Ontari likes it. Hopes it’s not too much in the first place. Dinner and a movie. That’s all. Nothing to be nervous about. Yet she runs a hand through her loose hair anyway. Tossing it this way and that before someone knocks on her door.

 

The face on the other side smiles at her warmly. The dancer in a leather jacket that Clarke hadn’t seen since that night in the art gallery. Button up beneath it and jeans.

 

“How do you make beautiful look so easy?” Clarke steps aside to let her in. Allowing herself to look the woman up and down.

 

“I could ask you the same thing blondy. You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I may not even be able to watch the movie with you beside me.”

 

“Flatterer.”

 

“The truth.” She holds out her hand and Clarke takes it. Allowing herself to be pulled into a hug. “Missed you today.”

 

“Didn’t miss me during those two weeks when we didn’t speak?”

 

“I missed you a lot then too.” Ontari murmurs into her shoulder. Pressing a soft kiss against her exposed skin. “We should go though. Hope you don’t mind diner food. I wanted to get a reservation somewhere romantic but.. I couldn’t.”

 

“You don’t have to show out for me.”

 

“But I wanted to. I wanted to treat you the way that you should be treated. I wanted to woo you. Hopefully have you fall in love with me.” She looks her in the eye. “You’re one of a kind and I am so very lucky to have met you.”

 

“Feelings mutual.” Clarke leans in and kisses her softly. “You changed me. Changed me for the better. Brought me back after I had given up and that alone is enough to have me fall in love with you.”

  
“Now who's the one trying to get the other to fall in love.” She chuckles and Clarke shrugs. Pulling back but taking her hand before pulling her from the apartment. Stepping into a new life where she has Ontari at her side.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone would like to come and yell at me for how long this took me to post. You can find me on tumblr at ChooChooDuckChu.


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